Useful questions in individual session :
- Any couples can face challenges or disagreements …
- In (or during) your relationship, what are (or were) your points of disagreement?
- How do you usually manage your disagreements?
- Could you describe what happened during your last argument?
Observation of behaviours and attitudes
People displaying violent behaviours in their domestic life can tend to:
Believe others are responsible for their needs and emotions;
Refuse to fully acknowledge the negative impacts of their aggressive behaviours on others;
Lack abilities to solve conflicts;
Display disproportionate reaction to loss;
Believe that others are responsible for their violence;
Attribute negative intentions;
Express their frustrations, fears, and angers, through imperatives;
Normalize aggressions by presenting them as legitimate ways to defend or protect themselves;
Suffer from extreme dependence, sometimes excessive jealousy;
Be hyper-sensitive to what they perceive as a lack of respect;
Have intense fear of break-up and abandonment;
Manipulate others and lie;
Be emotionally unstable, impulsive;
Talk contemptuously about people they deemed unworthy of respect;
Have developed other unhealthy habits: problematic drug or alcohol use, victimization, isolation, etc.;
Have difficulties coping with stress;
Have suffered traumas;
Have low-tolerance for emotional pain.
Am I at risk of violent behaviors?
I sometimes feel like people deem “violent” actions or behaviors that I consider normal.
I sometimes experience a state of anger similar to that I have seen in my mother or father when they were violent.
I realize some people avoid me or act differently when I’m present, and that some people I love are afraid of me.
I generally believe that others are the ones responsible for my mood swings.
When I feel attacked, I can become dangerous.
I cannot trust my partner when I am in a relationship.
I often feel jealous.
The idea of a break-up is unbearable to me.
I sometimes think about ways to get revenge from people who wronged me.
When I am frustrated, stressed, or tired, I tend to take that on others.
I often act impulsively.
I feel like conflicts never get solved, and that productive communication is impossible.
When I drink or use drugs, I tend to be argumentative.
By reducing the risks associated with violence:
- I would have a better opinion of myself.
- I would be more at peace with others.
- I could maybe avoid a break-up.
- I could resolve my conflicts in a respectful way.
- I would be a better model for my kids.
- I would experience less anger, impatience, and rage.
- I would feel less guilty.
- I would feel safer.
- I would be less isolated.
- I could have a “normal” relationship and the interactions with my partner (or ex-partner) would be more harmonious.
- I would avoid the risk of legal consequences, or being afraid of those legal consequences.
- I would be less dependant.