Toolbox

Useful questions in individual session :

• Any couples can face challenges or disagreements … 
• In (or during) your relationship, what are (or were) your points of disagreement? 
• How do you usually manage your disagreements? 
• Could you describe what happened during your last argument? 

 

Observation of behaviours and attitudes

People displaying violent behaviours in their domestic life can tend to: 

Believe others are responsible for their needs and emotions; 

Refuse to fully acknowledge the negative impacts of their aggressive behaviours on others; 

Lack abilities to solve conflicts;

Personalize conflicts; 

Display disproportionate reaction to loss; 

Believe that others are responsible for their violence;

Attribute negative intentions;

Express their frustrations, fears, and angers, through imperatives;

Normalize aggressions by presenting them as legitimate ways to defend or protect themselves; 

Suffer from extreme dependence, sometimes excessive jealousy; 

Be hyper-sensitive to what they perceive as a lack of respect; 

Have intense fear of break-up and abandonment; 

Manipulate others and lie; 

Be emotionally unstable, impulsive;

Talk contemptuously about people they deemed unworthy of respect; 

Have developed other unhealthy habits: problematic drug or alcohol use, victimization, isolation, etc.;

Have difficulties coping with stress;

Have suffered traumas;

Have low-tolerance for emotional pain.

SELF-EVALUATION

Am I at risk of violent behaviors?

I sometimes feel like people deem “violent” actions or behaviors that I consider normal.

I sometimes experience a state of anger similar to that I have seen in my mother or father when they were violent.

I realize some people avoid me or act differently when I’m present, and that some people I love are afraid of me.

I generally believe that others are the ones responsible for my mood swings.

When I feel attacked, I can become dangerous.

I cannot trust my partner when I am in a relationship.

I often feel jealous.

The idea of a break-up is unbearable to me.

I sometimes think about ways to get revenge from people who wronged me.

When I am frustrated, stressed, or tired, I tend to take that on others.

I often act impulsively.

I feel like conflicts never get solved, and that productive communication is impossible.

When I drink or use drugs, I tend to be argumentative.

By reducing the risks associated with violence:

• I would have a better opinion of myself.
• I would be more at peace with others.
• I could maybe avoid a break-up.
• I could resolve my conflicts in a respectful way.
• I would be a better model for my kids.
• I would experience less anger, impatience, and rage.
• I would feel less guilty.
• I would feel safer.
• I would be less isolated.
• I could have a “normal” relationship and the interactions with my partner (or ex-partner) would be more harmonious.
• I would avoid the risk of legal consequences, or being afraid of those legal consequences.
• I would be less dependant.